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9e10's Log
#1
I think logs can be sometimes time consuming, however writing one can perhaps make me more discipline on the things I am doing and willing to do and track the results better and not be somewhat lost. There are days that I can't handle my racing mind full of thoughts, questions, ideas. Also, there are days that I can't handle the pain of living like this and not having no one to talk to that truly listens to me. Sharing my side effects and experiences will perhaps help me understand what is going on.
I will basically put here my daily routine (foods, activities, etc) in order to get it in a better shape and meanwhile share some thoughts and questions.

First of all, I think I must talk a little about myself to put things on context: because of my health issues, my life got stuck, so to speak (this does not mean that things in the past were all going great, because they weren't).
I am 26 year old dude (w: 70 Kg; h: 183 cm), unemployed and I was never able to have success in all my different attempts in college. Since childhood, I have always been a very anxious and stressed kid, OCD, ADHD, etc. and also with digestive and skin issues. I've been 10 years straight on conventional medicine, tried a lot of antidepressants, sometimes some doses higher than the recommended dose. I was also prescribed with Ritalin and Risperidone. Then tried alternative medicine with different supplements and therapies (basically, those who preach omega 3 and low carb). Needless to say, all to no avail.

Having this age and still not be independent, believe it or not, I feel like it is a huge step back to my healing process. Because even though I find solutions for me that might work, since they are all usually out of the box comparing to mainstream, it creates some stress since it makes me more of a weirdo, ET to the people around me. Ok, I know I should not give a damn to what others think... But when "others" are the people who are sustaining me, it is a whole different story. No one is willing to invest on someone's ideas who was always different or should I say sick/crazy in their opinion, even if you are their children. I can understand them though...
Nevertheless, when I feel like doing something different, the amount of negative feedback and insecurity I receive from others is so much, that even if I want to ignore it, I just can't. That negativity puts me even more in the state of helpless. And, then again, I find myself remaining the same and not following what I believe it's better for me and not changing anything at all...  I don't know, it seems I am so mentally weak that I absorb everything around me that makes me very hard to maintain and defend my position. Of course, being surrounded with "mainstream people" and being completely alone in my beliefs where I live doesn't help...

I live in Portugal and I grew up in a small city. I think people in Portugal, in general, are a little conservative which doesn't help me. I mean, at least, I still did not find anyone to talk around me with a little open mind. Apparently, knowing more about soccer can generate more friends. But I don't really like soccer :/. The feeling of loneliness and being kind of an outsider only adds more stress to myself...
My supposed friends, all of them continued their lives after college. When I tried to talk to some of them, it only made me feel more awful and stressed about myself, because they immediately start saying that I should go to a doctor or to go back to psychiatrists... Seriously, 10 years... They talk like my life was a complete joy when I was on psychiatrists. Basically, they don't listen to me. Talking to a random person on the other day felt much better than talking to people that I know. Of course, this situation kind of led me to isolate myself from others. I think I really need to find new people to talk to. But where I live and being at home doesn't help, of course.

Family can also be a problem. As I said already, I am unemployed, so the amount of ad hominem is too strong. When I try to argue, since I am an unsuccessful person, just this fact alone surpasses every single argument I say. It's like I have no right to have an opinion. The thing is, I bet if I was a MD all my ideas would sound pure holy grail. This is when money becomes an issue: to try my ideas, at least regarding supplements or tools I need (food it's different, though), I have to rely on my savings (Christmas, birthday gifts, etc.) to buy them. What I am trying to say is that, my parents are willing to pay thousands to a random MD that sells his services and supplements, but to support my ideas the same doesn't happen. Or at least it's much more complicated, because they can give me the money, but they put too much pressure on me if I don't get results. Perhaps, I would not even need the half amount of money they pay to a physician, but, you know, since they have a degree, it is, without a doubt, more trustworthy, lol...

There is also the classic old argument "if he was doing something for his life, he wouldn't have much time to think about other things". I wish this argument was right, honestly. But all my life I have been trying to do something and the results weren't that great. Even in the things I supposedly liked (for instance, I was in a garage band), I would fail miserable, even to concentrate to play or simply respecting schedules. Even playing video games, watching movies/series, sometimes I would have to stop playing/watching because I was not able to concentrate.

Ok, enough of this victim speech. Perhaps I could have summarize it just by saying learned helpless and stress, lol. And probably loneliness too.

I have some ideas in the back of my mind, but overall, aiming the gut is main focus right now. I also really want to do the basics well like eating enough calories and cooking for myself (without feeling I am doing something wrong, which is important), put my circadian rhythm in order and so on.

If you feel like saying something, giving opinions, feedback, I will certaintly appreciate it. Smile

Regarding symptoms, summary, all the hypo symptoms plus OCD, ADHD and whatnot since childhood. Of course, also digestive and skin problems. 
But I will put here the full list, just because why not:
Code:
- Brain fog
- Brain fatigue
- OCD
- ADHD
- Low libido
- POTS
- Easily startled
- Always feeling scared
- Bad communication skills
- Irritability/Moodiness/Mood swings/Unstable emotions
- Racing mind
- Brain feels scattered
- Difficulty following conversations
- Difficulty following step by step instructions
- Difficulty on making decisions
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder
- Poor ability to tolerate stress
- Anxiety/Fears/Worrier
- Social Anxiety
- Panic Attacks
- Chronic Stress
- Anhedonia
- Dysthymia
- Feeling always depressed
- Memory problems
- Cognitive dysfunction
- Insomnia/Problems falling asleep
- Needing more than 8 hours of sleep (waking up several times during the night)
- Dream a lot
- Waking up not feeling rested
- Chronic fatigue – physical and mental
- Low motivation
- Think about the future/past a lot
- Get fixated on things
- Problems letting go of thoughts
- Unable to process quickly
- Constantly need to prove myself to others
- Fidgeting/Restlessness/Jittery legs
- Can’t keep an eye contact with people
- Negative thoughts
- Procrastinate a lot
- Spend more time planning than implementing
- Lots of ambition, but too little motivation to implement
- Feel awake when should be winding down/in the late evening
- Feeling tired but wired at the same
- Poor coordination
- Unusual sensitivity to sudden sounds
- Gut problems (constipation, slowed motility, IBS, SIBO, Candida)
- Excessive farting (if I eat certain foods)
- Nervous tension / Always feeling very tense (shoulders almost near my ears)
- My breathing is not smooth
- Fungus overgrowth
- Acne, dry skin, very elastic skin, hives, itching, eczema, dermatitis, skin spots, dandruff
- Orange/yellowish skin
- Bad circulation in hands, feet and in general (cold extremities)
- Intolerant to cold
- Dark purple circles under eyes
- Ingrown nails
- Chilblains
- Excess sebum
- Get sick easily / or seem to ‘catch’ everything
- Mucous, Nasal drip
- Itchy/Runny nose
- Hemorrhoids
- Back pain, joint pain/Arthritis
- Random pains in some parts of my body
- Weak gums
- Palpitations/Extra systoles
- Pounding heart
- Low blood pressure (under 100/70…. Doctors, of course, tells me that is better to be low than high)
- Low blood pressure when standing up (start seeing everything black, almost fainting)
- Increased intraocular pressure
- Muscle jerking/twitches
- Periodic changes in visual field, visual snow, floaters
- Seem to be allergic and get inflammation from most foods (something like Gluten, all grains, all potatoes, all nuts, all dairy, all legumes, eggs, carrots, fruits)
(I can reduce most of these symptoms when I avoid foods to almost one or two... But then I have other issues, of course)
#2
Last simple experiment that, for some reason, ended up weirdly very bad

I do really think context is very important, so I have to mention the most recent experiment. Really sorry for being such a story teller.
It's seems like if I don't die from the disease, I will die from the cure.

In the beginning of August, I went to my house where I used to stay to study for college for a week. I was all by myself. So, I decided to do a simple experiment where I would eliminate completely starch, eat mostly meat, carrots, re introduce dairy and only eat fruits as carbs. I didn't track calories though. As I said in another topic, I was doing very well on Kefir, at least I thought so, so I upped the dose till 500 mL per day and it was my only source of dairy. I tried cheese but I didn't feel so good.

Long story short, during that week I was probably having sugar issues or high stress hormones or whatever it was, because my heart was racing most of the times. I was so confused because, for some reason, also when I ate fat from ruminants or coconut oil, it would give me heart racing. Like I was immediately producing stress hormones.

Dairy acts very weird on my body. My libido skyrockets every time I put dairy in my mouth. Women all of sudden become so damn beautiful and attractive. But dairy also flares my RA and it also gives me whole of other symptoms like water retention, bulging veins, dandruff, sebum, greasy hair, loss of coordination, sphelgm, my body becomes hairier, muscle spasms, and so on. You know what are the classic symptoms.

In this experience, I've also noticed that my teeth changed their position and started moving inward. My nasal bones were clogging like they were closing. I really felt the pressure there. I felt some pressure between my teeth too. I also thought I was gaining muscle because muscles were bigger, but it was basically the water retention, lol. It tricked me, i mean, they appear bigger because of the volume that water creates.
So, when I think about the libido increment but having all those symptoms, it is probably all estrogen increasing and then testosterone has to compensate increasing my supposed sex drive, I guess.
And btw if one can explain me why I started having spontaneous erections after eating liver + cheese and having my heart racing (like I was about to ejaculate) and becoming freezing cold at the same time... Seriously, wtf was that.

So, I had to quit the experiment by the end of that week and got back to eating to what I used to eat (starch, no dairy, etc. I would call it an "Anti inflammatory" diet).

Ok, now this is when things become even more weird.

Unfortunately, I wish all was over. My parents, on that week, went on vacations. So when they arrived, they picked me up and we went back to my hometown by car. This is when all hell broke lose.
When we were on the highway, I started to not feel well at all. I was having panic attacks, hot flashes from the bottom of my back to the top (I would say from the gut), my nasal bones were closing even more, so much pressure. I have never had fear of entering in tunnels, and the moment we entered in one, I was panicking so hard. 2 hour trip with a opened window to breathe fresh air which actually helped me a lot.

Finally we arrived home... I thought it was all over, but it was not. I went to the toilet and pooped some brown green weird shit with a form of a snake with an weird awful smell. Actually, I realized my mouth was also tasting like that and I was having GERD. I was wondering: was that kefir strains? Wtf was that? Triggering infection? Inflammation from dairy proteins? Liver bile? I simply didn't know. Then, I noticed that I had some lump that was hurting below the right side of my rib cage. This really scared me... could it be gallbladder, liver? I was wondering to myself...

I went to bed hoping it was all gone. But it wasn't, no no... My body didn't let me fall asleep. By the moment I was going to fall asleep, it would start moving involuntarily. Like I was having a epileptic attack, but I was aware of it. I was also having that feeling I was going to fall from a cliff (like Vertigo). Tried to fall asleep again and again, but I couldn't. Once more, heart racing, hot flashes  mixed with panic attacks, being on the dark was scaring me too much! I started losing sensitivity on the right part of my neck. All my lymph nodes from the right side of my body had an increased size and they were hurting.

I had to give up.

1am, woke up my parents and said to them that I needed to go to the ER. Needless to say what was their reaction... "We just went out for a week and you ended up like this.".
It's like... Fuck man. Yet again, I continuously show that I seem very far from being be independent and self sufficient. 

We went to the hospital and I had to wait 2 hours to have a doctor attending me.
3am, I was called and it was a rude Spanish doctor. He didn't measure anything, asked my symptoms and jumped immediately to "lets do a x ray". I couldn't argue... Feeling so bad and waiting 2 hours and denying his solution was out of the question.
And, guess what, after doing and checking the x ray his answers was: you have to much gases. Prescript me lactulose and microlax.
Saying that it was only gases was simplying it too much, of course. To be honest I felt I was having actually water inside, since my gut felt very heavy. And before going to the doctor I actually did 2 straight microlax. So his answer didn't serve me anything at all.

Since I kind of confirmed it was from my gut and I wasn't feeling well still, the moment I arrived home, it occurred to me to do an salt water enema. I did it and god bless the enema. I didn't evacuate much, but my lymph nodes calmed down, the right sensitivity from my neck was back again. Felt better, salt probably relaxed me, could finally fall asleep.

Again, unfortunately, things weren't over. The next day I woke up with a huge GERD, white tongue, all my right teeth were hurting, my joints were hurting really bad and when I ate lunch, my right lymph nodes started hurting again, tingling sensations all over the place, started to have very mild fever and food would hit like a truck in my stomach.

(...)

Ok I will stop here because I had almost of those symptoms for a week. I also tried lactulose one time and even drank magnesium sulfate (dunno the dose since it was my mum that got it from a pharmacy). They both didn't do anything.

I must say, everything is much better after a month.
I will just mention the symptoms I had after that incident. (To be honest, there were moments I was thinking if it was a healing crisis from kefir. Even though I am kind of skeptical of that in particular and I don't really feel better at all after this episode lol):
  • Mild fever (went away after 2 days)
  • Bulging veins
  • Insomnia
  • Panic attacks (disappeared after 2 days)
  • Fear of the dark, shadows and huge crowds (gone after a couple of days)
  • Vertigo
  • White tongue after waking up (gone after a couple of days)
  • Gut feeling heavy, having water inside (when I was touching it, it would do water noises. Like it seemed it wasn't absorb the water well)
  • Bad breath
  • Huge joint pains (especially after eating).
  • Lymph nodes hurting from the right side of my body
  • Constant muscle spasms
  • Waking up in the middle of the night with GERD and needing to drink water
  • My gut felt completely sore, acidic. As if it was burning inside (too much lactic acid? Dunno. Perhaps, I upped kefir per day too fast. Or maybe it was just milk creating an acidic environment)
  • Poop soft and still with a dark brown green color (gone. Or at least didnt happen again)
  • Lump below my rib cage
    (I have to say that, now that I think about it, in the past, when I used to drink milk, I used to have some of these symptoms to be honest. I wanted to kind blame kefir for all this, but I don't think it's the real culprit. And, in a less degree, I also blame carrots since they gave me panic attacks in the past)
Needless to say, that I spent the month of August with a very basic daily routine: walking outside, didn't read anything to not stress myself, ate what my mum cooked without questioning anything. I basically followed what my parents did. Now you can ask: "why not continue that routine then? Doing nothing seems working." Well, I've been doing that for 2 years straight after giving up college and going back to my parents' house. It just doesn't work. I really wish it did! My past would have been better then too...
I really need to adapt things to my scenario. Also, my parents have a life too. And I really want to be self sufficient.

------

Till today, the symptoms that remain are:
  • lump below the right side of my rib cage.  It doesnt hurt, however sometimes I have some mild pain, like pins and needles. Feeling like is pushing out something, but it never feels completed or have a relief
  • Bulging veins
  • Muscle spasms (this one really annoys me. Having them since the incident, seriously)
  • Sometimes bad breath
  • Teeth feel somewhat tense in between them and closing my mouth feels different also
Overall, I still don't feel well.. Or, at least, like I was before the incident.
#3
After a month of feeling somewhat better, I was still very concerned about my lump below my rib cage.
I decided to do an abdominal ultrasound. The technician said that everything was fine: right kidney, gallbladder, liver.
What a relief...
So, gut. It appears to be all gut.

Since I don't have many options near me to work with right now, I remembered how I felt good after doing the salt water enema back then. I've done coffee enemas in the past, so this is what occurred me to do.

I really must share what is going on:

I've already done 3.

1st enema:

- Immediately huge relief in my nasal bones. I felt the popping and them opening up. I can know breath with my nose again without forcing air to inhale
- Now this one, I think it kinda confirms that must be something inside my gut (the lump below my ribcage). At least, I hope. When I was releasing the enema, some lymph nodes from the right side of my body started hurting like they were hurting on those days. So, to kind of revive the pain of my right lymph nodes must mean something. Never a coffee enema in the past did this to me.
- My belly is much less bloated and less watery. Leaner I would say. My muscles legs are still somewhat watery though
- Finished it. My lymph nodes kept hurting, but nothing unbearable.

2nd enema:

- When the liquid was entering my colon, I started to have mild pins and needles below my rib cage immediately. But then they disappeared. I'm hoping to release something, if there is indeed something, but it seems it will take some time.
- Pooped some really fowl stools.
- Again, when I was releasing it, some right lymph nodes started hurting.

3rd enema:

- Ok, this one was a pain in the ass. Even before introducing the tube inside my gut, my gut was already reacting. Constantly pins and needles in the right side of my gut below my rib cage. I started to have heart racing, feeling cold. Literally the same symptoms I had when I was having the panic attacks. I tried to calm down, ate some fruits. And then I did it.
- After putting the liquid, everything was calm as always. But when I went to release it, it wasn't so calm like the two before. My heart started racing in the middle of it. Pooped some shit, it calmed down. Still, no relief though... I made also a mistake to eat something right before doing it, I though I was going to throw up for a moment. Dunno if this may have changed its results. But then it all went as usual. Again, my right lymph nodes started hurting but now some of the left side started hurting too. Could it be that is reaching the left side of the gut to finally release what I have inside...?
- I also pooped stools that smelled the same as those brown green stools. I cant just know if this is just the smell of the bile or not

I am thinking for myself that it seems that I will have to feel all those symptoms from those days again before pooping it out, again, if theres indeed something there whether it's bacteria, putrified matter. Never a coffee enema gave me heart racing in the past though. And I must say I was very scared of doing them when it was the first time.
It's seems like, my body kept something there in a dormant state, now that I am trying to pushing it out, the symptoms are coming back again.

So, this is what I have been doing recently... It's the only thing I have access at the moment and that I know how to do it.

P.S 

I am finding really weird how the location of the lymph nodes and what is happening on the gut seem related. I mean, I have this lump on my right side below my rib cage, the days I was feeling really bad, all my right lymph nodes were hurting... Like, right side of the gut = right lymph nodes, you get what I mean?
Also, how the shape of my face changes according to whats happening in the gut. My face have been in somewhat scared mode, since those terrible days. When my nose bones popped and released tons of shit on the first enema, my face mildly changed to a more relaxed state. Lol, I really dont know how to put this into words.
#4
About foods

Unfortunately, it seems every time I try to cook foods for myself everything just goes wrong. I really want to prepare foods for myself. This would be a huge step for me.

I can't deny, I'm really really lucky that I have my mum preparing foods for me. I cant imagine how I could have been if it wasn't her preparing my meals.
However, I feel like every single day I kind of under eat and I also would like to eat my way.

Her meals are pretty simple: meat/fish all kinds + starch (usually potatoes or rice) + veggies once in a while.
Also, she always cook with garlic, onions and olive oil. Always. She puts some spices and sometimes cooks with tomato and ginger too. Also, she only puts 1 tsp of salt for three people. So, Im eating around 1/4 tsp salt per meal.

This is an example of what I eat in a day:

Before lunch: 2 or 3 pieces of fruit
Lunch: 2 boiled white potatoes + 125 grams chicken breast + some broccoli + (onion, garlic, tomato, olive oil, 1/4 tsp salt, spices)
During the afternoon: 2 or 3 pieces of fruit
Dinner: 30 grams white rice raw (I don't know how much weights after cooking it) + some cabbage + 125g white fish + (onion, garlic, olive oil, 1/4 tsp salt, spices)

So, this would be something like:

Calories: 1000-1500 kcals
Protein: 80 g
Carbs: 100-200 g
Fat: 20-40 g

It may vary between those ranges, but thats pretty much it.
I have to say that it really sucks that if I go for a long walk, my body doesn't increase its signals of hunger at all. If I stay at home doing nothing or I go for a walk, the amount of calories I eat remains the same.
I also must say that if I overdo on starch, for instance, I start to get bone and joint pain. This is to say, that I find very hard for me to eat more because of the side effects I get from some foods.
#5
Finally, I think I have said everything I wanted to say before starting really logging. I am sorry if the English is not the best or if the texts are somewhat confusing. I was having these thoughts in the back of my mind and I was planning to write them here for quite a while.

Ok, let's get started. Again, feel free to give any advice and feedback.
#6
I can offer you a path to a money-less solution to your health problems if you'd like. I try not to offer advice, but if you're open, I'm in the right mood.
#7
(09-05-2017, 12:55 AM)sm1693 Wrote: I can offer you a path to a money-less solution to your health problems if you'd like. I try not to offer advice, but if you're open, I'm in the right mood.

I'm writing here to also hear what others have to say. Whether I agree or not.
I think we can always learn something new. Smile
#8
I can only offer a brief overview of action steps because explanations would be excessively long and in some cases, I dont know.

1. Go a week completely ceasing all use of electronics. Record before and after thoughts. Consider going longer.

2. Spend most of the day with retina exposed to the sky, unimpeded by glass/plastic. Wake up early enough to expose retina to early sun, even if you just sleep in a lawnchair with closed eyelids.

3. Hike/walk for at least 45 minutes twice a day outside. In general, once in early sun and once in late sun. Spend somewhat less time in midday sun.

4. Spend as much time physically away from your current family members as possible.

You are in unique position to actually improve your health. Most people I know are trapped in bad health by demanding jobs and dependents. I don't really think money is nearly as useful as free time and access to open space.

Take care.
#9
Its 100% bacterial related. Classic endotoxin related shock symptoms. Also were you doing those coffee enemas on an empty stomach and one after the other? Obviously a dose of coffee straight to the bowel will be very stimulating. A stress response is a stress response, thats why you had the same panic attack symptoms.

It is good to get the stuff out though and i personally dont believe carrots will work for endotoxin. I would personally suggest a diet of easy to digest foods and at least 2000 calories a day no matter what. Using activated charcoal instead of carrot and keeping coffee enemas to a minimum. Also some sort of antibiotics may very well be necessary, your bacterial dysbiosis sounds pretty serious.

Also the poster above had some really great ideas for stress relief. Although i dont think it will help much with endotoxin related panic attacks, it may certainly help in general.

Lastly i would suggest you pick up some ativan and have it if you ever feel those panic attacks coming on. It will knock them out within a half hour.

Basically keep your bowels clear, dont snack all day, dont eat hard to digest fiberous foods, get enough calories to support metabolism, take care of excess bacteria.

Lastly, kefir or any fermented food is probably dangerous in large amounts.
#10
Also much more sodium will help with adrenalin.
  
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